Two weeks ago was the second anniversary or Rayna’s day(s). July 25 is the day we found out she died, and July 27 is the day she was delivered. Last year, we went camping and we wanted to do something similar – to get out of our house and our usual routine and spend time together as a family – but not risk LT not sleeping through the night at a campground. Nick and I were fortunate to be able to take the whole week off of work, and we spent a few days at a friend’s cabin in the woods.
Many of the friends we made in the weeks and months following Rayna’s death recently passed the two year anniversaries of their losses – and we are approaching that same date in just over a week. It is wild how fast two years goes by! Our friends all have such neat ways of remembering their babies and giving back to others in their honor: gardens, donated breast milk, improving hospital bereavement programs (particularly raising money for bereavement tools such as cuddle cots), and so much more. We are fortunate to have friends who love their children fiercely and show that love through generosity.
Today marks one year since we miscarried LO; and, in typical middle-child fashion, is a day both Nick and I almost missed despite the reminder in our shared Google calendar. We almost missed it at least in part because we live with a newborn and miss a lot of things right now. While we firmly believe a loss is a loss, and we were deeply impacted by losing LO, he is also overshadowed by the trauma of his big sister’s stillbirth. That said, this is very much a day we both want to mark, remembering another baby who didn’t get to come home with us.
Today’s Capture Your Grief is to participate in the Wave of Light in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. We participated in the October 15th Wave of Light last year, as did many of our friends and family. At 7 pm, wherever you are, all are invited to light a candle to honor and remember all of the babies and children who have died too soon. The whole idea is there will be a continuous wave of light around the world for 24 hours.
A few weeks ago I wrote about a circle theory applicable in the midst of trauma or loss. Last week I wrote about what people in the Outer Circles can do to help someone facing loss. This week we’ll talk about Middle Circles. Middle Circle people might include close coworkers, neighbors you let know when you’re out of town, most friends, and people you see and share life with on a regular basis. Everything the Outer Circles can do to help also applies to the Middle Circles, and Middle Circles can add a layer of intimacy to their help.