Now that we are definitely past our due date, it is time to make this announcement on the blog:
LT made his debut outside of the womb at 1 a.m. Thanksgiving morning, weighing 6 pounds, 3 ounces and measuring 20.5 inches long. LT went from meaning Little Three to Little Turkey.
Over the weekend, Nick wrote a post about one of the most frequently asked pregnancy questions. There are other questions, too, often about choices a couple makes. In each pregnancy, Nick and I have chosen not to find out gender. We like the surprise and fun of finding out at delivery, of Nick being able to announce “It’s a Girl!” or “It’s a Boy!” and share the news with our family and friends. It also really helps us not receive a bunch of pink or blue stuff when that is not our style. Our nursery is decked out in Dr. Seuss and primary colors. We just don’t need to know, but people love to ask. Not knowing seems to really bother other people, when really it isn’t their business.
We left the nursery intact last summer, as a sign of hope for a rainbow baby. Many loss families shut the door or dismantle the furniture, which I totally understand; that simply wasn’t what worked for us. We hadn’t done much decorating yet, it mostly just contained furniture. The crib, the dresser, the nightstand, the rocking chair. The neutral- and primary-colored theme we picked out didn’t line up with our pink and light memories from our time with Rayna, and it never felt like her space. I remember being pleasantly surprised at how not difficult the nursery was when we arrived back home after her delivery.
Last week we passed a major milestone in our pregnancy. Many parents pregnant after loss both dread and look forward to the marker of when they lost their previous pregnancies, and here we are, past the 33rd week.
Surrender + Embrace Yesterday’s prompt: Completely surrendering myself to grief on multiple occasions has allowed me to release my emotions. The hurt, the anger, the unfairness. Surrendering to whatever it is you are feeling is one of the most powerful experiences of being present and in the moment. To sit and allow yourself to feel sadness is very profound. How do you feel about surrendering to grief? Have you done it before or are you more the type that just keeps carrying it all inside? Does the idea of falling apart frighten you?