As we get closer to our due date, I find myself answering the question, “Is this your first?” quite a bit. In most cases this question comes up as a result of small talk.
He likes Fords, I like Chevys. He is a proud Wisconsinite, I’m a proud Minnesotan. He’s always early, I’m sometimes on time. No, these aren’t lyrics to the song Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off. This is a story of how two guys became good friends, despite their differences.
1,922. A little over 365 days ago there was 1 sunset. Rayna’s Sunset. Ever since, we’ve invited you to share a sunset using #Raynasunset, and you have certainly responded! So far we’ve collected 1,922 sunsets. Needless to say, sunset time has become our favorite part of the day. Even when it is cloudy where we are, it is sunny somewhere in the world and a sunset will be posted.
In my last two posts I wrote about how at times the past six months I have felt helpless. The first post was about feeling helpless because there are so many factors out of our control in a pregnancy. The second post was about feeling helpless while trying to provide comfort to Sarah. In each of these post I wrote about the importance of becoming comfortable with feeling helpless. I am still figuring out how I can become comfortable with those helpless feelings, but wanted to share what I’ve found so far.
As you saw in my last post, I wrote about how there is so little we can control during pregnancy. Today I wanted to talk through another area I have felt helpless over the past seven months. This helplessness is on the grieving side. Again, I’m going to put a disclaimer here saying there have been plenty moments I have felt helpful. The goal behind these Feeling Helpless posts are to allow us all to realize there are moments we are helpless and it is important to become comfortable with being helpless during those moments.
Over the past six months I’ve spent many moments feeling helpless. Before I continue, please know I’ve also had moments of feeling helpful and realize I can control certain actions and reactions. Today, I want to write about why I have felt moments of helplessness to highlight that sometimes there is nothing anyone can do, and how it is important to be aware of those moments.
When Sarah and I first lost Rayna, one of the most surprising things was the number of people we knew who had gone through similar losses, and how willing these people were to help. It is like an infant loss club.