Nine Months

9 MonthsWeight: 18.4 pounds
Length: 27.8 inches
Likes: Ripping apart magazines if he gets his hands on them, making his way to the hardwood floor to make louder banging noises.
Dislikes: Having things that aren’t safe to play with taken away, such as small pieces of paper he ripped out of magazines. He also makes a face like he does not like the first bite of any food he is having, no matter what it is.
Clothing Size: 6-9 month
Diaper Size: 3
Favorite Toy(s): Not toy things (such as empty cereal boxes)
Skills: Inch-worm crawling
Eating: He likes chewing on big chunks of food, especially watermelon.
Sleeping: Through the night (most of the time)! He still takes cat naps, or 3-4 short naps in a day.
Firsts: Rayna’s Week, trip to a state park, time in the church nursery, night away from Mommy, flight.
Mommy’s Highlight: Being reunited after time away!
Daddy’s Highlight: Taking him to Chicago to meet the Salesforce Ohana.

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LO’s Day

Today marks one year since we miscarried LO; and, in typical middle-child fashion, is a day both Nick and I almost missed despite the reminder in our shared Google calendar. We almost missed it at least in part because we live with a newborn and miss a lot of things right now. While we firmly believe a loss is a loss, and we were deeply impacted by losing LO, he is also overshadowed by the trauma of his big sister’s stillbirth. That said, this is very much a day we both want to mark, remembering another baby who didn’t get to come home with us.

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33 Weeks

Pregnancy is marked in weeks. Bump pics are taken weekly. Pregnancy websites send weekly updates about what your baby is up to in the womb. Milestones of fetal development are marked in weeks. It seems like life with a new baby is also marked in weeks. First week at home. First four weeks. The precious 12 (or so) weeks a mom is home with the baby. I’ve found time after loss to be measured in weeks, too.

CalendarBoard33Weeks
33 Weeks: Before Rayna died

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Hope but not Expect

Hope but not expect is a favorite saying of Nick’s. It drove me nuts when we were first dating. My hopes were almost always met in our early months together, but on the occasion they weren’t Nick would say, Hope but not expect. I’m still not sure I can explain what he means, though I have internalized the general idea of differentiating my hopes and my expectations.

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