Seven Months

Weight: 17 lbs, 5 oz
Length: 26.8 inches
Likes: Being outside, bubbles, watching big kids play
Dislikes: Broccoli
Clothing Size: He started the month still wearing 3-6 month clothes, but ended the month mostly in 6-9 month clothes.
Diaper Size: 2
Favorite Toy(s): Crinkly-paper toys
Skills: A lot of rolling over! He’s starting to get up on his hands and knees but hasn’t started crawling yet.
Eating: LT still loves breastmilk and eats plenty of ounces at daycare and still every 2-3 hours at home with Mommy. However, he also seems to be enjoying eating food. I’ve been making our baby food so far, and it is fun to experiment and see what he’ll like. His favorite so far seems to be sweet potatoes and bananas, but he’s also had oatmeal, avocado, peas, broccoli, pears, peaches, green beans, blueberry, watermelon, chicken, and more.
Sleeping: He has more good nights than bad nights. He sleeps through the night pretty often. Full disclosure, we aren’t doing anything different and don’t have any tricks or advice, it would seem he is just ready to sleep through the night. One night was even 10 hours!
Firsts: First tooth! Father’s Day
Mommy’s Highlight: Dressing him up and taking him to three weddings in the past month, he even hit up the dance floor with us (while sleeping) at a few of the weddings!
Daddy’s Highlight: Having LT on the sidelines cheering on the little league baseball games.

Parenting After Loss Thought of the Month:
I still get jealous.

Maybe jealous isn’t the exact right word, but I still have a hard time with certain things even with LT here safe and sound (and napping in the carrier on my chest while I type).

  • It’s hard for me when people have new baby girls.
  • It’s hard for me when babies are due in July, when Rayna was born.
  • It’s hard for me when babies are due in September, when Rayna was due.
  • It’s hard for me when people are cavalier about pregnancy or babies or parenthood.
  • It’s hard for me to see babies of friends or acquaintances that are the age Rayna should be.
  • It’s hard for me to be around babies of friends or acquaintances who had successful first pregnancies following our loss(es).
  • It’s hard for me to be around women and families I know are still trying to conceive or deliver a living baby.

I continue to hope this not-quite-jealousy feeling will ease over time. I know I will never stop missing the babies not here with us, but perhaps will learn to not let external factors have such control on the level of missing I feel. That one day I will be able to hang out with those friends again without feeling sad later that night. That one day I might not feel quite so nervous for the pregnant woman who says, “Babies are hearty,” while doing something I was too afraid to do during my rainbow pregnancy. I know these feelings aren’t about the other people, rather they are about me confronting the continued impact of losing Rayna and LO on my life.

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