Three Months

I’m always posting these late. Blogging in a timely manner with a tiny human at home is a bit challenging…

Weight: Somewhere between 12-13 pounds… we don’t have a baby scale at home.
Length: 24”
Likes: Hanging out on the changing table, seeing new places, singing while Mommy plays piano, tummy time, lights and ceilings
Dislikes: Wet/dirty diapers, napping in his crib
Clothing Size: 0-3 Months
Diaper Size: Size 1
Favorite Toy(s): Oball cars when Mommy and Daddy drive them, his Kick ‘n’ Play piano
Skills: Lots of smiles and giggles. He seems close to rolling over, but he’s not quite there yet.
Eating: About 8 ounces each day at daycare, and nursing about every 2 hours during the day when we are together.
Sleeping: His newest record is 6 hours 45 minutes, and we partially credit this to the Pampers Baby Dry diapers we received for our baby shower and are just now trying out! Day care also helps wear him out at the end of the day. He still wakes up about once an hour after his first long stretch of sleep.
Firsts: Day of daycare, Valentine’s Day, trip to the bowling alley, ice skating adventure
Mommy’s Highlight: LT singing worship songs with me while I practice.
Daddy’s Highlight: Daddy daycare on Wednesdays, even though it can also be challenging.

Parenting After Loss Thought of the Month:
I’ve been back at work for three weeks now, and I was ready. I started to be ready when LT was about two months old. Maybe because LT was born in the winter, and we were pretty limited most days to what we could do… It was often too cold to go outside, and when he was still a newborn we weren’t supposed to spend a lot of time in crowds (though I did go to the mall and Target once in a while, and we did go out to eat a few times). I was stir crazy, and Nick caught the brunt of it at home when I greeted him at the door like a puppy in desperate need of grown up conversation. I relished the days above freezing when I could take him on walks around the neighborhood, and the times I had plans outside of the house with friends. I love my work and the people I meet through work; I am glad to be back.

Nevertheless, I miss my little guy when we are apart, so I am hoping to reduce my work hours to be with him more. We are working toward a good balance between family and work, and I’m sure now that the weather is thinking about spring and LT is a little older we can find even more things to do outside. I dream of taking him to the zoo near our house, playing on the playgrounds at the park, and using the extra time off to spend more time with family and friends. I’m pumped for our adventures.

Returning to work with a living baby is different than returning to work after stillbirth. I only took six weeks of disability after Rayna’s death, and I think I was also ready to return to work after that. By then I had already started back up at working out, began my Whole30 journey, and was crying quite a bit less than the first weeks after her death. What I wasn’t looking forward to were the “How’s the baby?” questions I was honest and told people what happened when it came up, but I truly tried to avoid the conversation as much as possible. My team knew via email and did a great job of communicating Rayna’s death with as many people as possible, but they couldn’t possibly tell everyone. I brought mascara along with me that first week in case I cried. I was hesitant to go around corners; unsure which colleagues I would run in to, so I kept my head down to avoid awkward conversations.

This time, though, I returned in the way most parents do – with a phone full of baby pics and stories about LT. I carried my cell around with me for the first week or so in case people wanted to see photos. I pulled up the daycare app when people wanted to know what he was up to. I was all too ready to talk about his impressive tummy time skills and ways I saw his little brain learning and developing already. Vastly different than with Rayna.

Like in the pregnancy, I still encounter “Is this your first?” questions. I’m finding more and more I answer, “Yes,” because he is my first take-home baby. My first living child. It feels honest as long as I know and remember his sister. And, I will never shy away from the truth if follow up questions are asked. My son has an angel sister and an angel brother looking out for him.

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