Over the weekend, Nick wrote a post about one of the most frequently asked pregnancy questions. There are other questions, too, often about choices a couple makes. In each pregnancy, Nick and I have chosen not to find out gender. We like the surprise and fun of finding out at delivery, of Nick being able to announce “It’s a Girl!” or “It’s a Boy!” and share the news with our family and friends. It also really helps us not receive a bunch of pink or blue stuff when that is not our style. Our nursery is decked out in Dr. Seuss and primary colors. We just don’t need to know, but people love to ask. Not knowing seems to really bother other people, when really it isn’t their business.
As we get closer to our due date, I find myself answering the question, “Is this your first?” quite a bit. In most cases this question comes up as a result of small talk.
We left the nursery intact last summer, as a sign of hope for a rainbow baby. Many loss families shut the door or dismantle the furniture, which I totally understand; that simply wasn’t what worked for us. We hadn’t done much decorating yet, it mostly just contained furniture. The crib, the dresser, the nightstand, the rocking chair. The neutral- and primary-colored theme we picked out didn’t line up with our pink and light memories from our time with Rayna, and it never felt like her space. I remember being pleasantly surprised at how not difficult the nursery was when we arrived back home after her delivery.
Last week we passed a major milestone in our pregnancy. Many parents pregnant after loss both dread and look forward to the marker of when they lost their previous pregnancies, and here we are, past the 33rd week.