Anxiety

Life and pregnancy after loss come with a certain amount of expected and normal anxiety. Knowing all of our hearts are beating one moment and can stop beating at any subsequent moment moves from a theoretical event happening to other people to something that did happen to someone you love. I’m not only afraid for LT’s continued heartbeat, but have moments of fear for everyone I know. If I wake in the night I sometimes wiggle extra hard to see if Nick will wiggle back—a sure sign he’s alive. Or, on occasions one of us is traveling, I nervously await the first text or email or phone call to prove to me he’s alive. Otherwise, I can begin to imagine the most far-fetched and terrible scenarios.

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